diff --git a/perl5/fucking-coffee.pl b/perl5/fucking-coffee.pl
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a5d9726
--- /dev/null
+++ b/perl5/fucking-coffee.pl
@@ -0,0 +1,33 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env perl
+use 5.10.0;
+use strict;
+use warnings;
+
+use DateTime;
+use Net::Telnet ();
+
+# Skip on weekends
+my $day_of_week = DateTime->now->day_of_week();
+exit if $day_of_week == 6 || $day_of_week == 7;
+
+
+# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
+exit unless `who | grep $ENV{USER}`;
+
+
+#my $coffee_machine_ip = '10.10.42.42';
+my $coffee_machine_ip = 'localhost';
+my $password = '1234';
+my $delay = 24;
+
+
+my $con = Net::Telnet->new(
+    -host => $coffee_machine_ip, -timeout => 30
+);
+$con->waitfor('/password: $/i');
+$con->print($password);
+$con->cmd('sys brew');
+sleep $delay;
+$con->cmd('sys pour');
+$con->close;
+
diff --git a/perl5/hangover.pl b/perl5/hangover.pl
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2b0a2b9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/perl5/hangover.pl
@@ -0,0 +1,46 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env perl
+use 5.10.0;
+use strict;
+use warnings;
+
+use DateTime;
+use SMS::Send::Twilio;
+
+# Skip on weekends
+my $day_of_week = DateTime->now->day_of_week();
+exit if $day_of_week == 6 || $day_of_week == 7;
+
+
+# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
+exit unless `who | grep $ENV{USER}`;
+
+# Phone numbers
+my $MY_NUMBER      = '+xxx';
+my $NUMBER_OF_BOSS = '+xxx';
+
+my $EXCUSES = [
+  'Locked out',
+  'Pipes broke',
+  'Food poisoning',
+  'Not feeling well',
+];
+
+my $rand = int(rand(scalar(@$EXCUSES)));
+
+my $random_excuse = $EXCUSES->[$rand];
+my $message       = "Gonna work from home. ${random_excuse}";
+
+# Send a text message
+my $twilio = SMS::Send->new('Twilio',
+  _accountsid => $ENV{TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID},
+  _authtoken  => $ENV{TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN},
+  _from       => $MY_NUMBER,
+);
+ 
+my $sent = $sender->send_sms(
+  text => $message, to => $NUMBER_OF_BOSS
+);
+ 
+# Log errors
+die "Failed to send SMS" if not $sent;
+
diff --git a/perl5/kumar-asshole.pl b/perl5/kumar-asshole.pl
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..38dd381
--- /dev/null
+++ b/perl5/kumar-asshole.pl
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env perl
+use 5.10.0;
+use strict;
+use warnings;
+
+
diff --git a/perl5/smack-my-bitch-up.pl b/perl5/smack-my-bitch-up.pl
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..00f6f29
--- /dev/null
+++ b/perl5/smack-my-bitch-up.pl
@@ -0,0 +1,45 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env perl
+use 5.10.0;
+use strict;
+use warnings;
+
+use DateTime;
+use SMS::Send::Twilio;
+
+# Skip on weekends
+my $day_of_week = DateTime->now->day_of_week();
+exit if $day_of_week == 6 || $day_of_week == 7;
+
+
+# Exit early if no sessions with my username are found
+exit unless `who | grep $ENV{USER}`;
+
+# Phone numbers
+my $MY_NUMBER  = '+xxx';
+my $HER_NUMBER = '+xxx';
+
+my $REASONS = [
+  'Working hard',
+  'Gotta ship this feature',
+  'Someone fucked the system again',
+];
+
+my $rand = int(rand(scalar(@$REASONS)));
+
+my $random_reason = $REASONS->[$rand];
+my $message       = "Late at work. ${random_reason}";
+
+# Send a text message
+my $twilio = SMS::Send->new('Twilio',
+  _accountsid => $ENV{TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID},
+  _authtoken  => $ENV{TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN},
+  _from       => $MY_NUMBER,
+);
+ 
+my $sent = $sender->send_sms(
+  text => $message, to => $HER_NUMBER
+);
+ 
+# Log errors
+die "Failed to send SMS" if not $sent;
+