38650b4175
Important notes; I have no idea if this will work for all countries, I haven't tested it yet but in theory it should work. No idea how long it takes for the confirm message to come through. People in the media who've tried it before have said the service often fails so.. |
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| R | ||
| coffee | ||
| go | ||
| java | ||
| nodejs | ||
| perl | ||
| php | ||
| powershell | ||
| python | ||
| python3 | ||
| .env.example | ||
| README.md | ||
| fucking-coffee.sh | ||
| fucking_coffee.rb | ||
| hangover.rb | ||
| hangover.sh | ||
| kumar-asshole.sh | ||
| kumar_asshole.rb | ||
| order-pizza.sh | ||
| smack-my-bitch-up.sh | ||
| smack_my_bitch_up.rb | ||
Hacker Scripts
Based on a true story:
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx:
smack-my-bitch-up.sh- sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx:
kumar-asshole.sh- scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx:
hangover.sh- another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to)
fucking-coffee.sh- this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something likesys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Original: http://bash.im/quote/436725 (in Russian)
Pull requests with other implementations (Python, Perl, Shell, etc) are welcome.
Usage
You need these environment variables:
# used in `smack-my-bitch-up` and `hangover` scripts
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID=ACxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN=yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
# used in `kumar_asshole` script
GMAIL_USERNAME=admin@example.org
GMAIL_PASSWORD=password
For Ruby scripts you need to install gems:
gem install dotenv twilio-ruby gmail
Cron jobs
# Runs `smack-my-bitch-up.sh` monday to friday at 9:20 pm.
20 21 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/smack-my-bitch-up.sh >> /path/to/smack-my-bitch-up.log 2>&1
# Runs `hangover.sh` monday to friday at 8:45 am.
45 8 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/hangover.sh >> /path/to/hangover.log 2>&1
# Runs `kumar-asshole.sh` every 10 minutes.
*/10 * * * * /path/to/scripts/kumar-asshole.sh
# Runs `fucking-coffee.sh` hourly from 9am to 6pm on weekdays.
0 9-18 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/fucking-coffee.sh
Code is released under WTFPL.